By Lisa Calice
I went on a journey today and like most journeys, it wasn’t about the miles traveled or the destination; it was the memories of the people and places that came before.
On the way home I took an unplanned detour. Why not? After all, I was now alone. While many of my freedoms have been limited lately, today was the Fourth of July, and I felt free. No one knew where I was, or cared; no plans, no invitations, and no expectations. Only my dogs waited at home for me today, and somehow I knew they would understand. My journey continued. I stopped at a place quite familiar to me; a place I had often visited with people I loved. Loved ones who because of circumstance and choice, are no longer with me. I had been longing to return to this place for a while. In part I did this to feel connected with that love and those memories again. And I also wanted to make this place my own.
I began walking the familiar path. My American Flag flip flops probably weren’t the best footwear choice for a trail walk. The river off to my right sparkled and bubbled in the evening sunshine. Drawn to the water, I left the path to climb down the stairway to a winding trail along the river. The memories came flooding back. While the trail was the familiar, it had changed with time.
Being in this place, I felt the presence of my loved ones here. More than mere memories, I felt like little pieces of us had remained here by the river; our words, our laughter, our tears, maybe even a fishing lure. I half expected to hear the sound of a familiar voice, or footsteps behind me.
I was still wearing my flip flops as I walked along the sandy, winding, sloping trail; ducking under branches, climbing over trees. At one point I slipped on the path and slid towards the water. I wasn’t afraid, but that’s the point where I realized my flip flops needed to come off.
How great it felt, finally, to feel my bare feet on the warm, sandy earth! My feet softly gripped the uneven ground, just like they were always meant to do. There was an instant change. More than just memories walked along with me. I was like a child again, filled with the sheer joy of being alive and connected to the nature around me. I was in my element. Dragonflies and other insects buzzed around and led me closer to the river. I came to a point where I could climb down and wade into the water.
The water felt warm and gentle as it swirled and flowed around my feet. It felt soft like silk. I stood there in the water for a long time. It was so peaceful. I continued to plod along the trail, exploring and finding places to climb into the water again and again. My troubles melted away.
Why hadn’t I thought to take my shoes off sooner? Now, in my bare feet, I was transported back in time to a place where I was free. Throughout my childhood, my parents had given me a place to explore freely, and I had embraced it. It was a world where I breathed the fresh air, played in the water, climbed trees and felt the earth between my toes. I lived in my bare feet. Most of the obstacles in this world could be easily surmounted; I simply climbed over them. Love embraces me; surrounded me. I loved the animals, the fish, the birds, and the people in my world. People loved me back. They spoke the truth. I didn’t question whether they truly cared for me. There were no countries, no boundaries, no politics, no fighting (other than some sibling sparring). There was no judging, no drama, no manipulation, no sabotage. I was truly blessed. Love was eternal, unconditional. No one controlled me; they wanted the best for me. As long as I followed some simple and reasonable rules, life was really good.
I felt so alive being barefoot on this winding trail that reminded me of a better time in my life. Remembering it began to fill me with confidence again. The fear of slipping and falling into the river evaporated. My feet were sure and expertly navigated the trail. My feet could breathe again! I could breathe deeply in the fresh air too. This is how I was meant to breathe. I began to feel like myself again and I was filled with peace. I remembered I was someone worthy of being loved. After all, my parents had loved me. Out here in my bare feet, I could finally connect with that love!
As I walked along and waded in the river, the evening was beautiful and perfect. No one could wreck it or make it look ugly. There was no agenda, no threats, no attacks, no criticism. I didn’t mind at all being alone. The love, faith and freedom my parents had given to me, filled me up. I remembered who I was. And who I still am. And I was free!
This river had changed. It wasn’t the same river I had walked along so many times before. Time had passed. The path of the river had changed. I had changed. My recent life experiences were very different from those of my childhood. I had lost people who had chosen to leave me and didn’t love me anymore; and maybe never really did. It hadn’t occurred to me that this was even possible, but it had happened, nonetheless. I now lived in a world where I had to watch my back at all times, could trust very few, and love was anything but a certainty. People have many agendas. The loves I had lost, the experiences we’d shared, were gone for good. The pieces of us whispered in the trees and the water, now only a memory. I had loved as completely as my parents had loved me. I felt my feet on the warm earth and felt like it was time to say goodbye. This loss would always be a part of me, but I decided to leave the memories, the hopes and dreams, along with my tears. I walked away and left them by the river. I watched them float away.
The late evening sunshine glittered on the water. I believed that somewhere out there, exists someone just like me.
As I headed back towards my car, my heart was filled with peace. I really should have taken my shoes off sooner. It’s been such a long time. In my bare feet, I had found myself again. I am loved. I am strong. I am free!
After my hike I walked over to get some ice cream before heading home. Homemade butter pecan ice cream cone, which used to be my mom’s favorite. I sat on a picnic table and ate it, watching some fishermen fish in the steadily flowing river. I thoroughly enjoyed every bit! Here’s to you Mom! Happy Fourth of July! God Bless my parents, my family, my friends, my home and my country. God bless America!
“Never be the person who doesn’t do the wave. Those people die alone.” — Phil Dunphy
“Selflessness is humility. Humility and freedom go hand in hand. Only a humble person can be free.” —-Jeff Wilson
Lisa Calice, E-RYT200, BFA, CDP. Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LisaCaliceYoga/ Twitter: @lisacyogini Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/lifewithlisayogini/
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