November is National Adoption Awareness Month and my family has been touched by Adoption.
Adoption gave me the opportunity to be a parent, it gave my parents the opportunity to be grandparents, and it gave three kids from Ukraine an opportunity to have someone to consistently love them and to care for them. However imperfect our family may have been, my kids were very truly loved. They may not remember it, but they were loved by extended family and many friends as well.
In a conversation with my Dad, we were discussing a recent rough patch in my life and he said, “…at least you had a good childhood and parents who loved you. So many kids never even had that.” The powerful truth of his words was not lost on me. Having a parent or parents who love you enough to want you and to raise you and to give you their all; this remains with you all your life. Adoption means every child deserves this chance. Even if your first parents let you down for whatever reason, there’s a chance for you to have this kind of love. I feel this love my parents have for me, every day of my life. Whatever happens in their lives, I always hope my love for my kids will follow them every day of their lives.
Adoption is an amazing option and I am grateful to have built my family through adoption. I remember that after years of disappointment that things were not going to turn out the way I had planned, there was an equally beautiful and amazing plan that God must have had for me all along. When I realized just how many children on this earth do not have parents or families to love and care for them, it was astounding to me. How could I spend another moment trying in vain to bring another child into the world when all of these kids are waiting for a mom, just like I am waiting for a child? When you think of it that way, my kids and I were really waiting for each other. We just didn’t know it yet.
For every family touched by adoption, there is a moment when the tide turns, the stars align, the pieces of the puzzle suddenly fall into place, and the moment of clarity arrives. I am not the most outgoing or heroic person, but divine intervention picked up where my courage left off, and guided me to Ukraine. When I met my three children, I had not a single doubt that they were mine. Did I doubt my ability to communicate, to cook, to keep up with my kids? You bet I did! Doesn’t every parent have those feelings?
I still remember twenty long years ago like it was yesterday. I remember the sights, the sounds, the smells of their homeland, Ukraine. I remember thinking how very much my Ukrainian grandfather would have loved to meet them, and I knew he was smiling down upon me on that cold November 12th day. I remember the Children’s Home in Cherkasy, and the many children we left behind. I remember the joy in taking three of them home with me; the three that were mine. At the moment the judge approved the adoption, my kids became my entire world. Even though they were older, I did my best to cram a lifetime into the short years we had together.
It is with tremendous gratitude that I share this excerpt from my journal from the day I met my kids for the first time:
“I later wrote: “Today I met my kids. I think that sentence says more than I could write in a book; MY KIDS – those have to be the two most beautiful words in the English language. MY KIDS…I will say it
over and over again until I believe it myself…”
I can find no words to describe with any accuracy, that moment when my children entered my life forever.
The caregivers brought Olena in first. I can still hear her footsteps as she came through the doorway of the
room where we were waiting, and without hesitating, hurled her slender body across the wooden floor and
into mine. She slammed into me so hard she knocked the wind right out of me, and then her body seemed
to melt into me and there are no more words to say after that, only tears. There she was, almost 4 feet tall, sweating in her red snow pants. No matter how heavy she felt or how much we both sweated, she kept her
soft, small cheek pressed tightly against mine and ran her fingers through my hair as if to make sure I was real. My two younger children, Lina and Vlady, entered my life in similar fashion. If I had had any doubt, their embraces dispelled it. I went back to our hotel that night dreaming of their sweet, happy faces.“
Whenever I have doubts or regrets, or feel sad about how some things turned out as time passed, my memories of those first moments and even years together as a family fill me with gratitude every time. They were just as happy to have me as I was to have them. They wanted to be held and loved as much as I wanted to hold and to love them. Many a tear was wiped away, many a bedtime song was sung, story read, boo-boo kissed. The time and the love we shared, the things the four of us did together, the jungle gym in the backyard, riding bikes, swimming at the lake, going to the park, playing games, walking our dogs, the many hours spent with grandparents, aunts and uncles…my memories hardly can do it all justice.
As years passed, I often received criticism, some deserved, some not, for the kind of parent I’ve been. I humbly embrace my flaws. I will say despite my mistakes, there is no doubt in the world these kids of mine were loved. No one could have loved them more than I have, and I am quite certain that no one ever will. In spite of all that’s gone wrong, or whether they like me or not at times, my kids will always be loved. There’s also no doubt that we can have gratitude for being loved by an entire family. After all, it isn’t the gifts, the toys, the material things (most of which are in a landfill by now) that matter at all. Isn’t love what makes life worthwhile? Through this love, and through adoption, this Mom had the most perfect little family on earth. Today I am so thankful for my family and for this beautiful journey of love.
Every kid deserves to have this kind of love.
By Lisa Calice, Adoptive Mom Extraordinaire
Life with Lisa Yogini 